Earlier this year, when we thought there would be a major league baseball season, the Glebe Street Hacks sat down with Oriole Skipper Donald Trump to reflect on the 2019 season and assess the future of the club.
GSH: Obviously, the fans of Oriole baseball are searching for answers after losing 108 games last season and finishing 49 games behind the AL East leading Yankees ……
DT: “Did Looney Booney give you that number?” “The media won’t cover the good things….”
GSH: And what good things would you like to….
DT: “Things have never been better. With what I have faced, like no one ever before….and the hatred, what we have accomplished has been terrific, nothing like it in history.
GSH: So, you would evaluate your performance as ………
DT: “A 10 out of 10. No question.”
GSH: And yet, only a handful of teams have lost as many as 108 games in a season.
DT: “No one asks other managers this, they want to tear me down. They tried that, they tried that, it was Flores, Flores, Flores and now it’s going to be something else…
GSH: Well, for third base coach Jose Flores to read news of his firing on the scoreboard during the game….
DT: “Not doing the job so it’s Adios to Jose, he can go back to Puerto Rico and sit by candlelight. Maybe the very, very bad Governor there can give him a light bulb. He hit .163 for the sign stealing Astros. “
GSH: Jose Flores last played in 1994. . .
DT: “And then what? Managed the Puerto Rican National Team. Not an American team, a Puerto Rican team. I didn’t want to hire the guy but somebody did and he’s a loser.”
GSH: But still, naming your daughter Ivanka to replace him, who has no baseball experience . . .
DT: “Ivanka is the best third base coach ever named, she will do a tremendous, tremendous job.”
GSH: And what about wearing a uniform with her own brand labeling when Major League Baseball doesn’t allow …….
DT: “You mean Dud Selig’s rule? Or now it’s Manfred Mann, or Manly Mann or somebody. Say you are coming around second base, who makes you run faster? Jose the Loser or Ivanka. I mean, I’m her Dad but let’s face it, she is very h….….”
GSH: Ugh, perhaps we can get back to the team and how to right the ship.
DT: “The ship is fine, its perfect.
GSH: How can the Orioles improve on 54 wins and a last place finish?
DT: “First, all the cheating, it’s unbelievable. Hinch the Pinch, stealing runs…”
GSH: But the Orioles only played the Astros 6 times.
DT: “Everybody did it. Everybody we played. It’s evil. It’s very, very evil. And what you see is every year failed cities with liberal democrats win—Boston, New York, Los Angeles.”
GSH: Still every team but the Tigers won more games than the Orioles….
DT: “What you will see. This will be coming out …..the umpires, they all know each other, they meet at home plate and decide, you know, who’s going to win.”
GSH: Perhaps we can look at some specific issues. Hitting, for example, the Orioles were 22nd out of 30 teams.
DT: “Miss Davis you mean? Weak very weak. It makes you sick really. Really, really sick. Somebody said his family even hates him. That’s what somebody said…..”
GSH: But struggles at the plate were not confined to Chris…….
DT: “Well, Chris and a lot of foreign players, they can’t speak English and so they don’t learn to hit. We could have been in the playoffs but a lot of them just don’t appreciate what I have done for them. Not even a thank you.”
GSH: But hitting aside the Orioles ranked 30 of 30 teams in pitching.
DT: The pitchers tell me, they tell me about the umpires. It’s totally out of control.
GSH: Do you have evidence that (looking at notes) the umpires “you know, decide who’s going to win”?
DT: I never said that. Totally fake news. And it’s a mean question. Nasty. You ought to be ashamed. The fans know. The fans know the truth. They love me. Every time I go to a stadium it’s packed.
GSH: Sir, the Orioles were 28 of 30 in attendance……
DT: The fake numbers coming out of Manfred Mann’s office are crazy. It’s amazing. Nobody is covering it. You never hear about it. They want to destroy my game and the country that our veterans fought for and no one loves our veterans like me. Someone should investigate. I will have an announcement in a few days. It’s going to be very, very big……